I never finished update my month of Thanksgiving...but given the events of the last week, above all else, I'm grateful for Landon. I cannot comprehend what the Sandy Hook families are going through. I held Landon Friday night, and it hit me that there were 20 families out there, wishing for just one more night like I had. Wishing for an opportunity to say goodbye for real, like you would if you knew it was the last time you'd see your little boy, instead of a quick hug and kiss and a wave goodbye.
I let Landon sleep with me the other night since his teeth were bothering him and I was so upset. At first, it was perfect...until I actually tried to sleep. Then I was getting elbowed every time I dozed off, getting smacked by flailing arms, kicked by tiny toes, kneed in the gut and somehow the chin. And even though it was uncomfortable, and even though I just wanted to sleep without being poked in the eye, I was thankful for every elbow, knee and kick...because it meant I still had a chance to hold him, to make memories and to appreciate everything.
I can't imagine how lonely those families must be. Everyone is saying, "You're not alone..." and while that's a great sentiment, the truth is, they are alone. Unless it's happened to you, there is no way you can appreciate the gut-wrenching pain. Just thinking about how I would react if I were in there situation makes me want to throw up and bawl....and I still have my little boy to cherish.
I can't fathom the emptiness. As a parent, you feel whole because of your child, and the possibilities they bring. Your child has the potential to change the world. I mean, Landon could be the one who cures cancer, who colonizes Mars, who alters the course of human history. The potential is endless. Now, instead of imaging the great things their children will do, those families are preparing for funerals and fighting off media.
Aside from the loss of life, the worst part is that instead of taking moments to concentrate on the memories of those lost and honoring them, our society has instantly made this about gun control, mental illness, terrorism. Those discussions need to happen...but by taking the focus off the children who were killed and lamenting how more gun control or better healthcare could have made the difference, we are dishonoring those children and their memories. There will be plenty of time for discourse and discussion....but for now, remember those lost. Look at those faces. Consider the families whose children and family members were cut down. And concentrate on the blessings in your life: hug your children. Spoil them for the night. Let them slept with you. Appreciate your family and every person around you, because as this event has proven, we never known what is around the corner.
November 1 - Grateful that we made it through the Hurricane unscathed and with very little damage, and that our biggest issue right now is that Brian is working an insane amount of overtime.
November 2 - Thankful that it's Friday. Even though I was only in the office two days this week because of the storm, Friday took forever to get here.
November 3 - Appreciative a weekend of (relative!) normalcy! No running to the store to stock up on water, no worrying about an apocalyptic storm.
November 4 - Thankful that my mom, sister and grandma will be here in less than a week! They haven't seen Landon (or me and Brian, for that matter!) since July.
November 5 - Appreciative that I have a job I like...even it means getting up extra early on a Monday for a 8 a.m. meeting in Philly :-)
November 6 - Grateful to live in a country where I'm afforded the right to vote and partake in political discourse.
November 7 - Extremely thankful that we have power and heat for this Nor'easter - thoughts and prayers with those still without power from the Hurricane last week who will be hit again with this storm.
November 8 - Thankful that the snow will be gone by the end of day and that tomorrow is Friday.
November 9-11 - Grateful for the chance to see Mom, Alissa and Mamaw this weekend. They each are worth a day!
November 12 - Thankful for a great birthday weekend and for my new iPad, courtesy of Landon and Brian.
November 13 - Grateful for my cats. No matter what mood I am in or how they day went, they are always ready to cuddle at night.
November 14 - Thankful that Landon's follow up with the cardiologist went well and that his heart murmur is completely benign!
November 15 - Grateful for a reliable car that I enjoy driving...even it's not the SRT8 Challenger that I still want.
November 16 - THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! 'Nuff said :)
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